I'm a 25 year old girl from Sweden who's gonna let her blog speak for itself. I love getting to know new people though, so feel free to talk to me about anything, anytime. ^:^
I'm always looking for penpals, soooo.... Feel free to ask me about my adress.
Can you even imagine being the poor alien sod responsible for auditing an earthling spaceship’s spending allowance? Like:
“I see, and why do you require many tubes of white plant flavoured paste?”
“Oh well, if we don’t rub that on our teeth twice daily the bacteria living in my mouth will begin to devour me teeth.”
“…Noted.”
“I have also noticed several large shipments of specific medications, and a variety of individually packaged absorbent material - however injury records do not show sufficient numbers to justify these recurrent deliveries.”
“Ah, yeah, it’s not really an injury per say. As part of our natural reproductive cycle approximately half the population will shed the lining of one of their internal organs and expel it.”
“…that is the most horrifying thing that I have ever heard.”
“Yeah.”
“Does such a process not hurt?”
“That’l be what the medication’s for. Pain killers for the cramps, birth control to stop the process.”
“…and your reasoning behind the fully functional, high-tech entertainment system?”
“Okay, that we could probably do without. But in our defence that was actually insisted on as a standard feature of all fleet-ships expected to encounter Terrans. Admiral Plo’Kaght insisted on it. Something about bored humans and a an illegal betting ring featuring a cleaning robot with a knife strapped to it going up against a human with a mop?”
“…I believe I should speak with my superiors.”
I love how Stabby the Roomba has become such a consistent in-joke among these sorts of blogs.
Galactic hero stabby the roomba: his legend continues
Somewhere in space in the hospital wing of a ship.
Alien - “Human Steve! I have excellent news! We found your severed upper appendage in good enough condition that we think it can be reattached - “
Human - “What?”
Alien - “Uh … Your arm? We found it and instead of the mechanical prosthetic we think - “
Human - “Wait, that friggin mutant snake thing didn’t eat it?”
Alien - “Oh, no, no, no! It would seem that it did not like the taste as humans are not a part of it’s natural or native diet, as you can imagine. For that matter the ‘snake thing’ was a fairly standard specimen for this planet - “
Human - “You mean to tell me that fucker ripped my arm off and didn’t even have the decency to eat it! Just dumped it somewhere to waste? Offended. I am. Offended.
Human’s equally human friend standing next to him staring at a tablet - “Rude. Just rude.”
Alien - “…”
Alien - “…”
Alien - “So … do you want the arm reattached or not.”
I was watching a shark attack documentary the other day, in which said shark took off a man’s arm and later the arm washed up on the beach. All the man had to say about it was, “Took my arm the least the shark could have done was get a meal out of it instead of letting it go to waste.”
I work at a library at the front desk. I’m not a librarian as many assume about anyone and everyone who works in a library. I do however process new books and check books out to people. Anyway, yesterday a young girl came in. She’s a regular coming in wither her grandmother. This particular time instead of heading straight to the kids area, she stopped by the front desk to ask where a few books might be.
“Hi. I’m looking for some knitting books. I already had the kids ones but they are a bit deadvanced for me so I would like something more adult if you have any.”
Now me being a lifetime knitter, know exactly where these books are in my library, and I know the call number so I can find there in any library. usually we direct these types of questions to the reference librarians but I couldn’t resist helping her out. Instead of just writing down the call number, I got up and showed her where they were. I told her that there are about three shelves that hold our knitting book collection, and to let me know if she needed or wanted anymore help. Before I even finished she was sitting on the floor looking through a book. She said thank you and smiled before going right back to the book in her lap. I went back to my desk super excited that a kid was trying to learn my favorite thing. A little while later her grandmother walked past and the girl was at the self check out with a large stack of knitting books. She walked by and smiled at em again and said thank. I told her I hope you have fun and wished them a good evening. Even though I just led her to the books, it felt great to help her on her knitting journey and I can’t help but hope that this craft sticks with her for a very long time. It’s heartwarming to know that knitting and every other fiber arts craft will live on.
Hi Mr. Gaiman. My personal library that I cultivated since college years was just got destroyed by some sudden attack of termites (it's sudden! believe me!), and obviously (and regretfully) there were a lot of your works there. Now after the mourning period is over, I'm thinking of rebuilding it, but I wonder that if it happens to you would you rather try to find those books back (which are personal all-time favourites) or you'd rather move on and just get new books you've never read before?
I’d do both. Replace books I wanted to revisit, and get new books I’ve never read before. That’s the joy of books and libraries, isn’t it? You get familiar places to revisit and new places to visit for the first time…
